I went through a phase recently where I just wanted to date...and not just date one guy, or even two, but three at the same time! That's not my typical MO, but I was testing out the waters of some new found confidence and enjoying this new "appeal" that I seemed to have. Let's just say, I thought I had it all figured out, but these boys soon proved me wrong!
Trying to keep it "casual" I assigned them all numbers. It all began with #1. I originally met him one evening when I was coming home and got on the elevator. As I entered the elevator this guys dog leaped into my arms, and I was totally stunned and amused by this. He had said at that time "he never does that!" He asked me for my phone number and I gave it to him, but he never called, so I figured that was that. It was a couple months after that encounter that I went out to the parking garage one morning to go to work and found this HUGE truck parked in the space perpendicular to mine and it was blocking my truck in entirely so there was no way to get out. I left a note on the person's truck and I notified the condo association and waited for hours hoping I could get my car out and go to work. It was about 4:30pm when the owner revealed himself by coming to my door to apologize (I had nicknamed this person inconsiderate ass!). Low and behold it was the elevator guy (soon to be #1). He was very apologetic about blocking me in and about never calling me. He claimed he lost my number. He begged for forgiveness and asked if he could take me out to dinner. After some convincing I reluctantly agreed. Thus began the relationship with #1. Oh, I didn't mention it, but he lived in my building..and the first time I went to his place there was no dog! I believe the dog was a ploy to talk to women.
Not long after I met #1, I met "original" #2 who also lived in my building. This guy was a little pretentious and thought the way to my heart was flaunting his money and status. On our first date he took me to Nobu and on our second date he took me to brunch at Humphrey's. Of course I took full advantage, but it was pretty clear early on that this guy was not for me. He didn't do much in the way of making me laugh or keep me engaged in conversation or witty banter. He was pretty dull. Plus, dating two guys in my building was becoming a bit of a challenge. One day I was coming off the elevator and I saw both #1 and #2 walking in the lobby and I had to dodge back into the elevator and push the close button frantically. I later found out they knew each other and were gym buddies. I never really told #2 we were over, I just moved on to a new #2....but he cornered me one day in the produce section of Albertson's. It was awkward to say the least.
After I ditched "original" #2, I met new #2 at the gym. He was a vegan and very fit and perky! I was on the elliptical one evening, and I was a complete sweaty mess, and here comes this guy with his cheesy "you come here often?" pick up line. He was amused with himself. I have to give it to him though, he made me laugh, and that is criteria number one for me to like someone. He asked for my number and asked me out right away. Our first date was at Pizza Fusion, which was my first introduction to vegan pizza! I thought this guy was a little too good to be true. Our conversations were fun and witty, I really enjoyed his company, and he was beyond cute and sexy! Something in the back of my mind made me think there was something off about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
I thought juggling #1 and #2 was going to be easy, especially since they did not live in the same building (that was just hard!). It turns out it's not so easy. Sometimes I couldn't remember if I was going out with #1 or #2 on any particular evening. There were many nights I didn't know who my date was until the doorbell rang or I went downstairs and saw who was waiting for me. Once I accidentally double booked a date on the same evening. Both boys were waiting for me downstairs and when I got to the lobby I tried to walk right by both of them pretending like I never saw them! That didn't work so well. This is when #1 and #2 learned about each other. Since the mystery was gone, I guess I figured I had to spice it up a bit more...and then came #3.
I met #3 at the trash chute in my building. Yes, I have issues with dating people in my building. I guess I just like the drama. He was hot though! When I saw him at the trash chute he was just wearing these shorts and didn't have a shirt on...that's all it took for me! I guess he found something appealing about me too, because he asked me if I was seeing anyone and if I wanted to go out some time. So, of course, I said no I wasn't seeing anyone and sure! Unfortunately, #3 turned out to be one of the most self-absorbed and narcissistic people I've ever met. On our first date he takes me to Thai Time (a not so great or nice Thai restaurant) and proceeds to spend an hour and a half talking about how great he is and how everyone loves him and wants to be like him. Not once did he ask me anything about myself or even change the subject to some neutral topic, it was 100% about him the whole time. It was all I could do from throwing up and walking out. Needless to say #3 didn't last long. I replaced him with a new #3 who I actually met while walking my friend's cute little Chihuahua's!
New #3 was outgoing and energetic, but was also a bit shy. He was a homebody and wanted to stay in a lot (this wasn't always so bad!) I didn't sense we were really going to connect, but I figured since I was test driving #1 and #2 some more I might as well let #3 go along for the ride.
The experience of dating all three of them at once was quite interesting and I impressed myself with my ability to juggle them all and keep straight the facts about each of them and I got much better at knowing who I was going on a date with each day, afternoon, and night. My weekends were always busy!
Things were going pretty well up until one awkward and still confusing evening. Let me start first by saying about a week or two before this confusing evening, I was leaving the gym one night and I saw what I thought was #2 walking down the street holding hands with a guy and then kissing the guy. I thought I must have been mistaken and it wasn't him...but later I would be corrected.
After #1 and #2 learned about each other, things got a little weird with #1. He became a little more clingy and demanded a committed relationship. I was pretty clear with all of these guys up front that I was not really the "commitment" type and I wasn't looking for any long term relationships. So, I started to pull away from him. Well, one evening #2 came over to make me dinner and we were chilling at my place, and I asked him about what I saw the other day on the street. He admitted to me that he was bisexual and that he was in a relationship with another guy. I have issues with this. I'm completely open to being gay and I have PLENTY of gay friends, but my feelings on dating someone that was bisexual were not really clear. It wasn't really for me, despite how much I really liked him. We had a long conversation and decided maybe it wasn't going to work out. Well, at the same time #1 was somewhat stalking me and had come to my door wanting to talk to me. So, #2 suggested I let him in an we all just "talk". I thought this was a bad idea, but having a little alcohol in me, didn't use my better judgment. I tried to tell #1 that I wanted to take a break and just have some space (since he was getting clingy) and then #2 reveals his secret to #1. OMG, this was becoming a Jerry Springer episode. We just kept drinking and talking and drinking, and drinking, and drinking (bad news!) The next thing I remember was waking up the next day and #1 and #2 were passed out in my bedroom (everyone partially clothed) and I had no recollection of what had just happened. When they finally came too, both pretended that they had no idea what had happened either and #1 freaked out that "something" might have happened between him and #2. Yes, yes...where's my Jerry Spring application?!
The whole thing was a complete disaster and everyone was freaked. I figured there was nothing that could be done about what had already happened, but I really wanted to know the truth. It was later that evening that #2 revealed to me that he did remember exactly what happened, but he wanted to mess with #1. He said it all remained pretty "innocent" and that outside of some harmless making out and flirtation that really all we did was pass out drunk. I'm not sure if I believe it, but it's all I got.
After all this happened, #1 kind of became "nuts" and very obsessed with me. He insisted that I stop dating other people and and be exclusive with him. It's a mistake to give me an ultimatum, because the outcome is never going to be in your favor. I basically told him to give me my space and to move on for a while. He wasn't happy about it. He started texting me ALL the time and it was becoming obnoxious. I told him to back off and to stop or we were completely over. For a short time he did back off and he was giving me my space. He backed off for a couple of weeks, but then left me this long and sad letter under my door about how much he really cared about me and that he realized he made mistakes and he really thought we could have something. It went on and on, but it did get me to reach out to him one more time. I gave him another shot, but it wasn't long before he got clingy and weird again.
Then came the final straw. I was watching my friend's dogs and I took them for a walk one day in the Gaslamp. Out of nowhere comes #1 and he proceeds to tell me how much he loves me and then asks me to marry him!! He even had a ring and everything. Um, how psycho are you, dude?! Of course, I said no! Even the dogs looked at him like he was nuts. He broke down crying and then began the true stalking. He started following me all the time, he was waiting for me in the mornings when I would leave for work, sitting in my parking space when I would come home. He would come to my door and knock for an hour and just sit outside waiting for me. I had to file a restraining order and I was fearful everyday to leave my house and to come home at night. It got worse and worse and then he attacked me one night. He had a knife and he cut my arm. I used my self-defense moves and hit him with the palm of my hand and broke his nose and made him cry, safely getting away. He was arrested after the attack, but was released on bail. When he got out he sent me a text message that basically said he was going to kill me and no one could stop him. I called the police and had to sit in fear inside my condo waiting and waiting and waiting. Finally, I received word that they found him near our condo building and he had a gun. He ran from police and then assaulted them when they tried to arrest him. Since he assaulted an officer he received a sentence of 6 months in jail. He was an owner in the condo and soon after he was arrested I worked on getting him evicted by the association. While the situation ended badly, I felt pretty victorious, that as a victim I did have rights and I did win the battle!
He was recently released and to date I haven't had any encounters or issues with him, so I hope it stays that way. Unfortunately, I am reminded of the attack all the time by the hideous scar left on my arm :(
Word to the wise...while it may seem fun an innocent to juggle multiple boys, it's really not all it's cracked up to be or worth the stress! Stick to one at a time, that's what I plan to do now!
Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!
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