You're too fat!!

Have you ever gone to an amusement park and feared going on a ride with your friends? Well, I have, but probably not for the same reason as you! It's not that I'm really afraid to go on the ride itself, it's the fear as we approach the ride that the operator will tell me I'm too fat or I don't fit. If you don't believe this happens, trust me, it does :(

It's not just rides either, there are so many things out there that have weight limits and restrictions. I used to constantly fear being in these situations.

I've learned recently from others, I'm not alone, and many have experienced the same fears and humiliation I have encountered. I am sharing some of the most memorable (good or bad) of these moments I have experienced. I hope this helps at least one person know they are not alone!

One of the earliest memories I have is when I went on a beach trip with classmates. One of the activities was a horseback ride on the beach. I was excited, I had rode horses before, and I loved them! I'd never rode one on the beach, but thought it would be great fun. I didn't even think about there being a weight limit. When we went in to organize our group and discuss the rules and specifics of the horseback ride, I saw it right there in front of me, a large sign that said "Weight limit 250 lbs", and my head sunk a little and my heart started to beat a little faster. It was that panic I knew so well, that I was about to be humiliated in front of my classmates because of my weight. I just kept thinking to myself, please don't let them weigh us, I'll just lie! You see I was 275 pounds (I was only 15!) As each of us approached to get our waiver forms we were asked if we had ever rode a horse before and given a quick little tutorial of how to mount the horse. As I approached I saw the lady look at me with concern. I know she didn't want to ask me the question and I know she knew I was over the weight limit. She had to ask though, she was obligated by her job. Out came the question that I was dreading..."do you meet the weight requirements?" as she pointed to the sign, but tried to be subtle so my classmates didn't really know. I paused and squeaked out "yes, I'm just at the weight limit", and she hesitated for a minute and then said "ok." I thought I was in the clear. We all made our way outside and they took us each to our horses to mount for the ride. As I neared my horse, I could swear he was looking at me with an expression that just said "hell no!" I went to mount the horse and he wouldn't stay still and kept moving and making it hard for me to get up. The owner came over and thought I just didn't know what I was doing. I told her I knew how to get on the horse, but she insisted we go over to the picnic table with the horse and I could mount it from up high (standing on the table). I went along with it. As they brought the horse over I walked behind him to go to the picnic table. Just as I was directly behind him he kicked up and kicked me hard in the knee. My knee dislocated and within minutes went numb and was puffy. They insisted that I stay behind and nurse my knee, but I insisted I get on that horse and go. That horse was no dummy, he knew I was a big girl, and he wanted nothing to do with me! The lady asked me again "are you sure you meet the weight requirements?"...and this time most of my classmates heard her and couldn't help but laugh and make jokes amongst themselves. I just mounted that horse and celebrated my minor victory with my big puffy purple knee. Which, by the way, never fully healed and is numb to this day.

The next experience I had after that was Disneyland. I was 23 when I went back to Disneyland with my sister and brother-in-law. The last time I had been there I was only 3 years old. I was really excited to go and couldn't wait to relive all the fun I had as a kid! I didn't realize until we arrived that California Adventure Park had opened too, and we had heard they had some great roller coaster rides! I had always told people I was afraid of roller coasters, because I knew I couldn't fit on most of the rides and I thought by saying I was afraid I could protect myself from the humiliation. You can see where this story is going. My sister and Tim really wanted to go to California Adventure and try out a couple of the roller coaster rides. I agreed to go to the park with them, but said I would go on the other rides, but not the roller coaster. There was the water ride (forget the name of it) where you get in those really big inter tubes essentially and then they spin and go down the path so you get all splashed and what not? Well, you know those rides always tend to spin based on weight distribution, and they put me in with a bunch of little kids, so the tube/boat thing always spun so that I would be the one drenched. Those damn kids came off that thing dry as could be and I was soaked from head to toe! Anyway, that's not really the point of my story. My sister and Tim were not content with this as the only ride I was going on and insisted I go on one of the roller coasters with them. There was no convincing them and I didn't want to say "hey guys I won't fit!" That's just humiliating, even to family (and my sister and Tim are super skinny!) So, I reluctantly got in line. I did a quick survey of the people in line and none were fat. Behind me was a whiney little kid that wouldn't shut up about how slow the line was going and how excited he was to go on the ride. So, eventually we got to the point where it was our turn to get on. My sister and Tim got into the cart in front of me and I sat behind them (I thought I would be alone). Then as they were getting people on the ride, the operator directed the little brat that had been whining to go ahead and get on next to me..um, hello, does anyone else see a problem with trying to put a small child and a fat person in the same seat?? They instructed everyone to put their arms up as they pulled the bar back to lock us in. Of course as it comes down they can't get mine to lock. So they told me to hold my arms all the way up and they would try it again. No luck. They tried a few more times and got it to lock, but then the kid was not properly protected because they had to have it the furthest distance away they could to lock. So they tried to put some foam bumper pad thing on it and the kid was still not properly secure. By this time people were anxious and getting frustrated. People were screaming "kick the fat ass off the ride!" and the kid was whining and screaming when they suggested he could go the next round. Then he yelled and called me fat too! It was awful, I was so humiliated, all I wanted to do was cry. Was that even necessary? The only good thing that came out of it was that my sister and Tim did not pressure me to go on any other rides after that.

Last but not least and probably the saddest for me was when I gained so much weight I couldn't skydive anymore. Some of you might know that I love skydiving. I did quite a bit of it in Milwaukee and Chicago and would go on mostly solo dives. I have done around 50 or so skydives and I love it. It's one of the few things that really clears my mind and makes me feel peaceful. My last year in Chicago was 2005 and I had planned to do a dive that summer. My last dive before that had to have been the summer of 2004, because of the weather in Chicago (cold most of the year) the skydiving season is smaller than out here in California. Well, between 2004 and 2005 I had gained a decent amount of weight. I guess I didn't really realize how much. When I went to the facility to do my dive, I approached the counter with my chute and ready to pay. The guy behind the desk was new, I hadn't seen him before. He looked at me awkwardly and said "I need to get my supervisor, I'll be right back." I was a bit confused and I asked "is there a problem?" He said "I really need him to talk to you." It really didn't register to me what was going on. The supervisor came out and I had seen him before and he definitely knew I was a regular there. He pulled me to the side and he said "I really don't know how to say this and I wish I didn't have to, but I don't think I can let you go up today." I was still perplexed and said "I don't understand, why not? Is there something wrong?" He stumbled to find his words and he said "there's really no good way to say this, but we think you are probably over the weight limit, and unless we can weigh you and verify I can't let you dive." I was instantly hurt. I couldn't even fathom that I had gained so much weight I couldn't dive! This was my favorite thing to do! I was so offended, but agreed to be weighed. When I got on that scale it was like I was just hit with a ton of bricks...there it was in big bold numbers...292. How had I gained that much weight?? I had been down to 260 in 2004. I wanted to cry. I grabbed my chute and ran to my car and did just that.

These are just a few of my stories, but I have many of them ranging across all sorts of activities and involving all kinds of people. I can tell you there were some really sympathetic people out there that spared me from much suffering, but far more people that decided making me feel bad was somehow going to make them feel better.

If you have an overweight friend, family member, or acquaintance and you find yourself in a situation similar to these, please try and think about how he/she is feeling and if they say "no", just let it be! You have no idea how it feels until you've been in their shoes!

And to all my overweight friends out there that have experienced this at any time in your life, I'm here to tell you it can get better, and the journey is long and hard, but the reward is amazing! I have lost 140 pounds and I no longer have to have these fears and the freedom that comes with that is exhilarating! I will be your support!

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!