Have you ever seen the movie Tommy Boy? Remember when he puts on Richard's jacket and sings "fat guy in little coat" and then rips it? This is how I used to feel every time someone would offer me their coat or suggest I could wear something in their wardrobe.
I get the fact that people are just trying to be nice and if you say you are cold, the nice thing to do is to offer someone your jacket. However, if the person you are offering it to is clearly twice your size, what's the point? You know they can't fit into it, so don't offer!
No good deed goes unpunished, right? I'm serious though. Think about the other person. Yes, I'm cold, and I would love a jacket, but there is no way I am even getting an arm into it! All it does is create an awkward moment and make the person feel bad. What's worse is when I would try to kindly say "no thanks, I'll be ok" and then the person would insist and keep pushing the jacket on me. Sometimes all I could do is take it and then humiliate myself by trying to put it on until they would realize it wasn't going to fit. Then it would just be an uncomfortable moment and we move on.
Once, when I was a teenager and I was in New York, I was invited to go to a party at a nice club in Manhattan. The dress code was on the fancier side and I didn't have any really nice clothes. It was hard enough to find everyday clothes that fit! My friend, who was probably a size 2, suggested I go through her closet and find something to wear. I was at least 250+ pounds at the time. Was she serious?? This time I even said "nothing of yours is ever going to fit me" and she went on and insisted I was being ridiculous. Hello?? I think one of her dresses barely covered just one of my legs!
Another time I went clothes shopping with a couple of friends and one of them was plus size herself and the other was skinny. They were convinced I needed a new wardrobe and they could improve my life by finding me the perfect jeans and shirts. We went to the mall and the skinny one asked "where should we go?" Well, the only place I ever went was Lane Bryant, because that's all that fit me, but I didn't want to tell them that. There is a lot of shame imposed with being overweight. I look back and I wish had been more confident and not have let those things shame me so much. So, I remained quiet and just kind of shrugged. I had hoped the other friend that was on the larger size herself would suggest something and save me the embarrassment. She didn't say anything. My skinny friend then leads me into "Lucky's". As if!! I don't think Lucky's Brand Jeans went up to size 28! When I went into the store the sales girl looked at me and smirked and then immediately addressed my skinny friend to see what he was looking for. He replied and said "we're looking for some jeans for her." The sales girl looked at me with that "Pretty Woman" look, like I didn't belong there and she wanted to kick me out! In a very snide tone she asked me "what size are you?" Oh please don't make me answer that! I just said "what sizes do you carry?" She just looked at me. She stared at me like I was the most disgusting thing she ever saw. Did my friends take the hint and and get me out of that store? NO! She went and grabbed the largest sizes she had, which I think were at least 2 or 3 sizes too small for me. My friends insisted I try them on. It was awful, I just kept handing the jeans back and saying "no, these don't work" and my self-esteem just tanked.
It was awful going clothes shopping with anyone. While my girlfriends were always excited at sales and trying on new things, I just dreaded the experience. The sales people always looked at me like I didn't belong there, and everything I tried on never fit. I would be optimistic at times and grab things off the rack to try on, but once I tried to pull those shirts over my head and yank those jeans up, it was the saddest thing. When I would walk out of the dressing room and hand all the clothes back to the sales person, they would always look at me like "I could have told you those wouldn't fit you!"
When I was younger there really wasn't anywhere to shop. Lane Bryant wasn't around in my early years and the options for clothes were so limited. I was always getting teased for the clothes I wore, even into my adult years. When it came time to start working, I had very limited options. The few clothes I managed to find I wore over and over again. People would comment, and I would always feel bad. It was a great victory when I found something new that fit.
I remember one time I was about to start a new job and I had gone out and bought a few new clothes, the few things I managed to find that fit. I went to a party at my friend's condo just before I was about to start that job. He was already working for the same company. I didn't wear one of my new outfits to his party, but I wore one of my more casual outfits I wore all the time. I didn't realize his party was on the dressier side, he never told me. There were people there in nice dresses and formal attire. I already felt out of place just because of that. I didn't know too many of his friends either. As I was talking to him, he did a quick survey of what I was wearing, and in front of a large group of his friends asked me "you do know that this company has a dress code, right?" Did he really have to ask me that in front of all his friends? Of course, several of them looked at me and chuckled a little. All I could say is "yes, I know how to dress professionally, thank you. I didn't realize your party had a dress code." It was not a good memory. When I got home that night I had sent him an email and told him how much his comments had hurt me and he replied that he didn't realize it was hurtful. How could I blame him, really? It seems very few people in society realize how hurtful they are to those that are overweight, mostly women. It seems as if it is socially acceptable to shun, mock, judge, and shame plus size people.
To this day it is hard for me to go shopping and believe something is going to fit me. I always grab a larger size out of habit. I also fear trying new stores that I would have never even glanced at before. It's a stigma that stays with you for a long time.
To any and all sales people out there, it's not okay to treat people that way! We will learn for ourselves something doesn't fit and that maybe we shouldn't be shopping there, but you don't have to make us feel like leopards simply for wanting to shop in your store! Show some consideration for people and treat them like human beings!
My advice to all others is - stop offering your coat! And don't drag your overweight friends into skinny stores and make them try on clothes!
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