This weekend I celebrated my birthday and I went to Disneyland! The last time I had been was ten years ago and it was a much different experience for me. It was amazing how much more I enjoyed everything when I wasn't bogged down with worry/fear about going on a ride or needing to stop every 30 minutes to rest. I've never really enjoyed anything so much. It was like being a whole new person.
From the simplest moment of walking through a turnstile and not having to turn sideways and suck it in to go through to getting on Space Mountain or any other ride and not thinking twice if I could pull the bar down or bang my knees trying to squeeze in, it was all new to me. Not once did I think I needed to stop and rest because I was tired from walking around the park. I could have kept going another 8 hours! Oh, and when I was cold and was offered a jacket, I didn't even have to think about it fitting (see "fat girl in little coat"!)
I didn't obsess over people staring at me or wondering what they were thinking, I just enjoyed myself and my friends.
Having that experience made me reflect on just how different my life is from just one year ago. I've blogged about how my appearance has changed and wearing a smaller size, but I haven't really thought about how different I am as a person. I used to always care what other people thought about me. I would try to lay low and not do any activities that could cause any possible "embarrassment" or bring attention to myself. I always restricted myself from trying things because I just assumed I couldn't. Like if someone wanted to go rollerblading or ice skating, I would have just said no, because I automatically assumed I couldn't do it.
Now just a year later I feel like I want to try and do anything. I don't want to impose any limits on myself and I could care less what someone thinks of me while doing any of it! I had an opportunity the other evening to try a little "pole dancing" activity and I didn't even think twice, I just went at it. Just a year ago I would have found a reason not to try because I didn't want to look stupid or be made fun of (or bring down the pole!). To be honest, a year ago I don't think anyone would have even suggested I try! Was I great at it? probably not, but I had fun! And the boys went nuts over it, so it couldn't have been all that bad...lol!
It's funny when I do things now and someone will say "remember when you couldn't do that?" It feels really good when I hear that, because it does make me realize how far I've come. It's like I've been given a clean slate and I get to start life all over again!
I feel very free now and I feel like there are so many adventures still to be had! It's amazing how my life has changed in just this last year, I am excited for all the changes that are going to happen in this next year. Dare I say it....maybe there are two pull ups in my future?!
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