The "Norm" of urgent care

Did you ever watch "Cheers"? Remember, how they would always shout "Norm!" when he came into the bar? Ya, that's almost what the nurses do with me when I come strolling into urgent care almost on a weekly basis (sometimes even more).

I'm NOT an urgent care junkie and I'm not a hypochondriac, really! I'm just really accident prone and well...things happen to me that just don't happen to normal people.

Once I went to urgent care and they assigned me a doctor to see and I had been there so many times, I knew that the doctor was new to urgent care. When I went in to see him, I said "oh you are new here!" He responded in a surprised tone "yes, how did you know that?" I told him to take a quick glance at my history and he would know. He pulled up my record on the computer and his eyebrows raised and all he could say was "oh wow, you are a frequent visitor!". It got to the point where I would get excited to see what urgent care doctor I would get and always hoped for another newbie! There is something special about their shocked expressions when they see my history. I can't imagine what they think about me.

When I walk into the Vandever Medical Center I get the sense I bring smiles to all their faces. I truly believe that the nurses take bets as soon as they see me on what it's going to be this time...is it an injury, is it sickness, is it food poisoning?? I think they take bets. The last time I went in, I swear it was like they were watching a horse race as the one nurse asked me "what seems to be the problem?"...and they waited anxiously to see who was going to win the bet! As soon as I said what my symptoms were, one nurse was clearly happy while the rest sighed in defeat!

Sometimes I see other "regulars" there too. I get the sense some feel like I'm encroaching on their territory. There is one old man that I imagine always wants to whack me with his cane. I saw him staring at me once as I waited and I'm positive the thought was going through his head. He was angry the time before because they called me back before him. I'm sorry sir...I really am not trying to take your place at urgent care!

As much as I don't like to have to go to urgent care because I have injured myself or I am sick again, I have to say being a regular and knowing that I bring some kind of entertainment or joy to the doctors and nurses at Kaiser, makes me feel like it's all worth it. Thanks for making me feel so welcome....it's a place where everyone knows my name!

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

Little skater shoe brats!

The other day I was at home and had a sudden craving for chili cheese fritos. I have no idea why, because I haven't had those in over a decade. At any rate, I decided the craving was bad enough I would make the short trek to the 7-11 and get some. I decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator of my condo. The stairs exit right onto the sidewalk outside. As I exited the building I encountered a small pack of unruly and annoying children...some on skateboards and others with their little "skate shoes". I couldn't help but wonder why these kids were out so late with no supervision. It was after 10 at night.

As I walked out of the building and saw these kids, I missed the one lurking just behind the door with his little skate shoe sticking out just enough to cross my path and ensure I would trip. I took two steps and down I went! I was completely taken off guard and didn't even have the opportunity to try to gain my balance and prevent the fall. I crashed face down into the cement sidewalk and bit my lip hard upon impact. I think I was a bit stunned because it took me a minute or two to even grasp what had just happened. I turned over and blood was already gushing from my mouth. I thought for sure I had lost a tooth from all the blood. Luckily, a quick sweep of the mouth gave me confidence all the teeth were in tact.

It was at this point I realized the evil little spawn that had done this was laughing hysterically. I asked him if he did it on purpose and he was like "hey lady, it's not my fault if you didn't watch where you were going!" I asked him why he found hurting another person to be so humorous and if he would be laughing so hard if I pushed him down and he was bleeding. He then used a lovely expletive that somehow takes on new meaning coming out of the mouth of a 12 year old. And this is our future? Good grief.

The only thing I could think of was "A Christmas Story" and Scut Farkus and the sweet revenge Ralphie exacted on him. I figured this kid would get his one day and it gave me temporary satisfaction.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

You made my middle school years suck!

You would think that after 20 years had gone by that the events of our youth wouldn't really bother us anymore. That's not really the case with me. I have this fortunate (or maybe unfortunate) ability to remember everything! Very recently I reconnected with someone from my early years. We were good friends in grade school and when we moved on to middle school she ditched me like a dirty shirt. I didn't fit in the "cool world" she was trying desperately to belong to. Not only did she completely discard our friendship, she decided the "cool" thing to do was make fun of me and make my middle school years miserable.

There was nothing off limits. She made fun of my clothes, my hair, and every thing I did. I remember the first school dance I went to. I wasn't really that confident in middle school, I was the overweight kid, and I certainly didn't have any dance moves. Yet, I wanted to belong just as much as she did and I mustered up enough courage to go to the dance and give it a try. She swooped in and took her opportunity to make fun of me. She made comments to me as soon as I came in about how sad my outfit was and how pathetic it was that I was alone. I sucked it up and I went to the dance floor and gave it a try. She gathered all her friends to start laughing at me and mocking my dance moves. Then they requested the song "Pump up the Jam" and when it came on and I started dancing, they had spread the word to everyone to leave the dance floor so that I would be out there on my own. I was dancing my little heart out and soon realized I was by myself and the whole school was laughing at me. I just kept my head high and managed my way outside where I sat and cried waiting for my mom to come get me.

Now here it is 20 years later and she pops into my life again (via facebook of course!) and acts as if we were the best of friends and can't wait to see me again. Um...hello, am I the only one that remembers what a bitch you were?? Of course, I didn't hesitate to ask her this very question - are you still going to be a bitch to me? She seemed rather surprised that I would even bring it up. I guess when you are the one being cruel it doesn't stay with you as long it does the person that spent many a lunch break in the bathroom crying...now does it?! She apologized for being so mean and chalked it up to "trying to go with the flow and fit in". I'm a reasonable person and I can understand the pressures of wanting to belong, but there is fitting in and there is just plain cruel.

Part of me wanted to lay into her and make her feel as bad as I did back then. However, she went on to say "if it makes you feel any better, my life sucks now", and I couldn't help but feel bad. You would think I would take some satisfaction in that, but how can anyone take satisfaction in another person's despair? She said if she could go back in time she would have treated me better. I'd like to think she really meant that.

The saying "it's never too late to say you're sorry" is so true. While I can't get my middle school years back, her apology has set me free of holding on to this memory and now it only exists for all of you to enjoy.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

Remembering Josh

I'm taking this opportunity to write about a person I loved very much, because he has been on my mind so much lately, and I'm hoping writing this will help me release some of these emotions that are building up inside of me. Those of you that have known me a while know I'm talking about Josh. Those of you who don't may or may not know some of this story. Now I want to share it with all.

When my sister got sick and the possibility of losing someone I loved was full force in my life again, so many emotions came flooding back to me that have left me feeling a little empty. Josh was the love of my life. He is that void I'm feeling. I never believed in soul mates until I met him. Never did I smile so big and so much as I did when I was around him. I felt so alive when I was with him and nothing in the world seemed impossible. We were together 9 years and I thought I would be with him forever. Until that tragic night when he gave his life to save mine. I can't help but always wonder if it was really supposed to be me.

I started dating Josh my freshman year of college. It was funny how I met him. He was my orientation guide at the summer preview before I started school the fall of 1995. I remember when I first saw him I was instantly smitten. He was adorable and when he would say my name I would always blush a little. He was a junior. When I came back in the fall, I saw him a couple of times, but could never get the courage to go up and talk to him. One night maybe 3 months into the school year I went out to a bar - Avalanche (probably not around anymore) with my fake ID and thought I was all cool. I was with a couple of friends and the bartender brought me a drink and said the guy at the end of the bar bought it for me. It was Josh! I instantly turned red and my little voice inside was telling me to "play it cool" and not say something dumb as was my typical MO. He came over and sat next to me, but didn't say anything. Then he slipped me a napkin that said "aren't you only 18 missy?" Then I thought, great this guy is a jerk and is going to rat me out. This was probably a good thing, because then my nerves calmed down a little and I went to being annoyed. That's when my sarcastic and humorous personality came out. We ended up exchanging a few quick witted napkin notes and before I knew it we were talking and laughing all night long. It was all over from that point, I was hooked on this guy.

The next year was the best year of my life, I couldn't imagine ever being happier than I was then. We had the best relationship. He always knew how to give me the independence I desired, but yet we had a really close relationship. There wasn't anything we didn't know about each other. Probably the only person I've ever loved unconditionally.

Then second semester of my sophomore year tragedy came knocking on my door. Some of you know the story, some of you don't, but it's not a memory I care to bring back up. All that matters is my life was turned upside down again. I nearly died, I had 27 stab wounds that left me in the hospital for a very long time and many reconstructive surgeries. Psychologically I was destroyed. I went into deep depression, nearly dropped out of school, and went into self-preservation mode and decided gaining weight and isolating myself from the world was the best thing to do. Despite all of that, Josh never left me, never changed how he looked at me, never stopped loving me for a second. I loved him even more for that, even though I pushed him so far away.

He graduated school and took a job in Chicago. I got my act together and rebounded at school and got myself back to the top again, achieving the Dean's list again and again. At least I had gotten that back. Josh came to see me frequently and I went to Chicago numerous times and we were happy.

It was 1999 the first time he proposed to me. I don't know why, but I instantly said no. As much as I loved him, I think I have an underlying fear of committing myself to anyone. I don't know why. He understood and we were still incredibly happy. I graduated in 2000 and moved to the suburbs of Chicago. We didn't initially live together until I realized all I could afford were the slums of the suburbs and I couldn't take it anymore. I moved to Kenosha and he moved with me. The first year was awful. Living together really tests a relationship. I thought we were going to end it for sure. We even decided to have an open relationship and started seeing other people for a while. We did that for close to a year or more. That was actually really great for us, because it only proved to me how much more I loved him. No one else could compare. He asked me to marry him again in 2002 and I instantly said no. Don't ask me why.

Life was good and we were really happy together. I was doing well in my career and he was excelling in his. For the first time I was looking at him and really thinking I could spend the rest of my life with him and I even wanted a family. You all know that's a stretch for me!

When my birthday came around spring 2004, Josh's parents had invited us to their house in Madison to celebrate my birthday and to make us a special dinner. I was excited, I loved his family so much! They were my Wisconsin family! After dinner we were on the porch swing all curled up trying to keep warm and he just looked at me and I knew in his eyes he was about to ask me to marry him again. This time all I could think was I couldn't wait to say YES! As I expected he asked me, and without any hesitation I exclaimed "yes!" I couldn't believe it finally came out of my mouth. I was happier at that moment than I have ever been in my life so far. His mom and dad came running out of the house and just couldn't stop hugging me. It was such an incredible feeling.

Then I made the worst decision of my life. I decided we should drive back to Milwaukee that night, because I just had to tell my friends and celebrate. The original plan was for me to drive back that night because I had to work in the morning and Josh was going to stay the weekend with his family. I convinced him to drive back with me and then we would both go stay the weekend with his family the following week. It was somewhat late at night, so there wasn't a lot of traffic on the highway. I was driving in front of Josh and he was trailing me (of course, since I drive so fast). I was on my cell phone telling the world of my engagement. Josh would always pay attention when we would drive together to see if I was on my phone, and he would take the lead position so that he could watch out for me and if I were going to hit anyone, it would be him. So he sped up to get in front of me. About 10 miles later a semi-truck swerved from the opposite side of the highway at an incredibly fast speed and before anyone could react he slammed right into the side of Josh's jeep. The jeep went tumbling, flipping over and over and over again, before landing upside down on the other side of the highway. I ran from my car to Josh and I could see he was badly hurt. He had reached his arm out to me and he told me not to be sad and that whatever happened he would always love me and he just wanted me to be happy. He said that I should go on with my life and do everything I've ever imagined and to love again. I didn't want to believe he would die. As the police and ambulance arrived, I already knew, it was too late. His grip on my hand was gone. I was destroyed.

I've spent a long time trying to recover from Josh's death and to move on with my life and with love. I haven't succeeded or even come close to finding that kind of love again. I think I probably avoid it on purpose because I can't imagine feeling that kind of pain ever again.

I think about him always and I don't believe I will ever truly get over losing the love of my life.

I miss you, Josh.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!