Saying goodbye and new beginnings...

In the last few weeks my world has been turned upside down and nothing seems the same anymore. You know how everyone says change is good? I wonder if they would be saying that if every aspect of their lives changed within less than a week! I'm definitely a proponent of the "change is good" mantra, but I have to be honest, I'm struggling a little bit to embrace all that is happening in my world right now.

Just a few weeks ago the only thing I wanted to change about my life was my job. I wasn't happy there and things just didn't seem to be looking up. I had been there close to 3 years and in the beginning it was really great. It was a company almost in it's infancy even though it had been around for 30+ years. The possibilities were endless and it brought excitement to my life. I've always been ambitious, driven, and extremely competitive. So the job and the company had everything I was looking for, so much so, I helped bring my friend on board only a few months later. Somewhere along the way either I changed or the job changed, but I no longer understood the vision or my role in the vision. It was all downhill from there. The environment for me was like poison. I went to work and I felt suffocated. It was pure torture to wake up in the mornings and go into the office, but I did it begrudgingly so I could continue to have the life I was leading outside of work. That part of my life was going really well and was the thing that kept my sanity balanced.

The good thing is I got fired. Yes, it is a good thing! It's good for me and good for that company. I hated it there and I wasn't living up to my full potential anymore. This has given me time to reflect on what I really want and to relax and enjoy life a little. In the few weeks since getting fired I have taken a road trip to San Francisco and crossed the Pacific to Australia. To do these things with complete freedom and enjoyment was incredible. The stress and the burdens that I was carrying around for so long just fell right off my shoulders. While I'm being sensible (financially), I am taking this time and making the most of it. It's a rare opportunity to have this kind of freedom and to really live! Losing my job has also made me focus more on my law school ambitions. I decided before I got fired I wanted to go to law school, but this event has only made that choice even clearer for me. I need a change, a real change. I might be older than the average law student, but why should that limit me? I'm good at being a student! Now, I just need to focus hard on doing well on my LSAT and impressing the law schools on my list with my wit and wisdom!

The other change I alluded to was my life outside of work. As you may have read in previous blog posts, kettlebells and training with Charlie had become a HUGE part of my life in the last year and a half. Meeting Charlie and training with him changed my life and had a profound impact on me. It gave me a confidence in myself that I had lost long ago. It gave me a great deal of pride and feeling of accomplishment. It was almost like a lifeline for me. At the same time I lost my job, I learned Charlie was going to move to San Francisco. No more kettlebells for me. No more inspiring and motivational Charlie. This change was not as good for me as the aforementioned firing. This one I am still struggling with. No, kettlebells are not solely tied to Charlie, I can and hopefully will work with a new trainer....but it's really hard to lose something and someone that impacted my life so much. No, he's not dead...so obviously he is still my friend! But, I was used to Charlie and our kettlebell workouts twice a week for over a year now. It was such an integral part of my life. It's really weird not having that anymore. And, of course, without a job I couldn't afford personal training anymore anyway. So, really, I should look at it that way. Even if he was still here, I couldn't afford to train with him...hmm, that does make me feel a little better. Now, there's just the vacancy of his humor, motivation, encouragement and friendship. I guess I'll have to make more trips to San Francisco!

All this change hasn't been bad though. Good things are happening too. I now have the time to really devote to my health and fitness. I'm going to the gym more, biking, walking, hiking and cooking more! It's amazing the things we sacrifice for our jobs (well, not all jobs make you sacrifice). When working, it was a luxury for me to have time to go to the gym or go on a hike. Now I wake up in the mornings and the day has no limits. I can do whatever I want. It's really exciting! I've met some new people and reacquainted myself with people I had neglected before. I'm not wasting a single moment of this time.

I do believe all things happen for a reason and I think this was the universes way of telling me that I needed to change things up a little. I need a fresh start. I have complete faith that I will land on my feet and end up where I'm supposed to be. In the past I may have worried and stressed over these changes, but now I see them all as small blessings in disguise. It's really exciting to think about what's next for me. It could be anything. Who knows what job is waiting for me or who I might meet walking around the corner. When one door closes another one opens.

By the way, is your company hiring?? :-)

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!