Why are my pants wet...was that pee?!

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a dark cloud is following you wherever you go and anything that could go bad does? I had one of those yesterday.

I started the day with the complete inability to get out of bed. I felt sluggish and despite sleeping for 8 hours, felt like all I wanted to do was sleep. It took some major mental battling to convince myself to get in the shower and start my day.

First incident of the day began there. I was so out of it in the shower that when I reached for the shampoo I got the body wash instead. Ya, that doesn't wash your hair so well. Then, I completely forgot that I had removed the rug in front of my shower because it had been drenched from my flooding wash machine the night before...so when I stepped out I slipped on floor and hit my head on the toilet. No better way to say good morning than with a slight concussion.

I ventured off for work, trying to remain optimistic that my day could only improve, after all I did make it through breakfast and down the garage stairs successfully! Then I hit the freeway and nothing but gridlock. I felt like I was living the movie Office Space, because I would be sitting still in my lane watching the lane next to me zoom along. Naturally, I jumped into the zooming lane only for it to come to a dead stop and my original lane began to zoom. I'd like to say I'm smart, but I did this hop several more times with the same result.

I made it to work just in the nick of time for my 9am conference call and then I was stuck from 9 until Noon on nothing but conference calls, not even a minute to breath in between each one. All I had in my head were visions of a bed and a pillow...heck, who am I kidding, the floor in the office was appealing to me at that point.

The highlight of my day was when the clock struck 3 and I was able to leave for the day. All I wanted to do was get home and take a little nap before walking to my kettlebell workout that evening.

I got home only to find my bathroom flooded yet again and had to whip out the shamwow to start sopping up the water. Although, I have to say this was another highlight, because I finally got to use the shamwow my mom gave me. This made her very happy, despite the circumstances in which I was using it.

By the time I finished the shamwow clean up project it was time to go to make it to my workout. The walk to the studio is about 3.5 miles, and is usually no problem for me at all. However, right from the start my feet were hurting, I felt like I was 80 because everything ached, and I was hungry. I walked miserably for 40 minutes until I got to Evolution (vegan fast food) and all I wanted was a date nut ball. It was the only thing I had thought about for the last 40 minutes. I went to the shelf where it normally is and nothing, they were all gone...all that was left was a apricot jewel cookie (definitely not my fave). I needed something, there was no way I would finish the walk or have energy to workout without some kick. I bought the stupid apricot cookie. As I walked out I spotted a woman sitting out front eating a date nut ball. It took everything I had not to pounce on her and take my date ball!! That was meant for me!!

Continuing on my walk to Hillcrest, I became more and more sluggish and then just as I was trying to give myself another pep talk that I could make it...I heard buzzing. Then I felt something on my back. I quickly realized a bee had made its way under my jacket and my shirt and got trapped buzzing around under there. I flipped out, because that's what I do, and I was kind of flailing and doing a retarded bee dance, when I felt the sting. Well, at least that resolved the bee issue, but ouch!! Luckily (which is never the case for me), I am not allergic to bees. I pulled the stinger out of my back and carried on with my walk.

Once I got to the studio to workout, I was greeted with a smile and the upbeat attitude of Farrah! Yay! I figured I would put all my woes behind me and get excited for my workout! However, I still felt like poo. I tried to power through the workout, I really did want to do my best, but from the start everything seemed a million times harder than normal. The turkish get-ups felt like torture. Every roll to the side felt like someone was crushing all my bones. The bee sting was still throbbing a bit. Towards the end I felt that apricot cookie making its way up and I fought to keep it down. I made it through the workout, but was enormously disappointed in myself.

I left feeling a bit defeated and dreading the 3.5 mile walk home. It might as well have been 100 miles. I didn't make it far when the apricot cookie started to make its way up the esophagus again. Only this time I couldn't keep it down. I leaned against a mailbox in front of a wienerschnitzel and up it came. Blah! Then I realized there was an entire table of people at wienerschnitzel eating chili dogs. I think I probably ruined their appetite. Very sorry!

I paused for a minute, regained my composure, and trudged along. As I approached Balboa park, I was starting to feel beyond terrible. My stomach was making insane noises. My head was pounding. My legs felt like jello and I had no will to keep walking. I thought maybe if I just sat down for a second I would be ok. I spotted the playground and the swings. I headed over to them to sit and rest for a second on a swing. It was dark by this time and there weren't really any lights on the playground. I made my way to swing and leaned back to sit. As soon as I made contact my pants started to feel wet. I knew it hadn't rained lately, so what could have possibly been wet on the swing?! I sat up and then I leaned down and sniffed the seat to see if I could identify what it might have been. That's when I smelled what could only be described as pee. I sat in kid pee!!! Ugh, this is why I will not change my mind about having kids! Now I had to walk 2 more miles home soaked in kid pee...do you know how disgusting that is???

I went home, bathed to get the kid pee off of me, skipped dinner entirely, and just laid on the bed like a lump. At this point I felt like I couldn't even move. Plus, my head was still pounding and I swear to you my stomach was making noises that were not human. I should have recorded it, because I probably could have sold it to some production company for a horror film.

Since I isolated myself to being a lump on the bed, I pretty much limited any further injury for the evening, although I contemplated a trip to urgent care to investigate what was ailing me...but I thought I would hedge my bets and stay put. With the day I had, I could only imagine what tragedy awaited me outside the confines of my bed.

I wish I could say today was better, but the highlights of my day were work emergencies, plumbers bursting pipes in my bathroom and sending water gushing all over my house, water extraction teams dragging copious amounts of equipment into my house, and appliance technicians with plumbers crack and passing gas more than any human should...it's just a day in the life of Debbie.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

nom..nom..nom...crap! was that my tooth?!

I recently went to the dentist to have a crown put on one of my molars. They had placed a temporary crown in my mouth while the permanent one was being created, which was going to take 2 weeks. However, that was a week before I was leaving for Portland for the holidays. I was going to be gone for over 2 weeks and I really didn't want to go through Christmas and New Years with a temporary crown in my mouth. So, they put a rush job on the permanent crown to get it in time before I left.

I was leaving on Friday and I got a call on Thursday that the crown was in and I could come in Friday afternoon to have it put in. That was perfect! Just in time! Lucky...or so I thought.

The dentist was not gentle in the least yanking the temporary crown off and then, even though I told him the tooth was still VERY sensitive, he kept spraying cold water directly on it and then blowing air on it to dry the area. I was in some serious pain! I just kept thinking "it's almost over and then I'll be going home!" When he was finished the tooth felt very strange to me, definitely didn't feel natural like other crowns I got and I was throbbing in pain...but I had more important things to do, like pack and catch my flight!

I went home and headed for the airport where I was catching my flight to SFO and then connecting on to PDX...yay! Well, not so yay, because there was fog that day. Damn you fog! Due to this fact, our plane was forced to circle and circle and circle before landing in SFO. By the time we landed, I missed my connecting flight and then all flights after that shut down going to Portland. Boo! I was stuck in SFO for the night. The point of me sharing this?? The tooth was killing me the whole time! I had nothing to ease the pain, until finally a very kind lady that overheard me sobbing on the phone to my mom, gave me an excedrin. Relief!

So, I managed through my two plus weeks at home with this so-called permanent crown. Everything I ate hurt, flossing hurt, brushing hurt. It was awful. When I got back to San Diego, I had planned to call the dentist to get an appointment and have him look at why it was bothering me so much. However, I came back sick as a dog and I was down and out for over a week. During that time, the tooth seemed to calm down, so I thought I was in the clear and my dental trauma was behind me. I was wrong....

I decided since the tooth was feeling better, I would go ahead and enjoy a piece of gum. I hadn't had gum in nearly a month because of my tooth misery. I was chewing happily for all of a minute and then I was like "what the heck?!" and I realized quickly that my PERMANENT crown had just popped off with my gum. That's not supposed to happen! I have 3 permanent crowns in my mouth and NONE of them ever popped off in the last decade with gum, taffy, are anything else.

I managed to pop the tooth back into place and it seemed to stay in there pretty secure. I called the dentist the next day to inform them it had popped off and that I needed to come in and have it re-cemented. They made an appointment for me two days later to come in. Seemed like the end was near for this saga...but again...no.

The next night I made a potato dish with veggies and spices and as I was eating it, the crown popped off and then I managed to choke and down it went! Yup, that's right, I swallowed my tooth! What was I going to do now?!

I went to my scheduled dental appointment the next day, I did not call ahead to tell them I swallowed the tooth. When I got there, the receptionist greeted me kindly and said "this should be quick, Debra!" Then, I said "maybe not....I..ugh...swallowed the crown". I thought she would find this shocking, but she seemed to think it was quite normal. I'm beginning to doubt this dentist's ability to secure crowns in people's mouth. Anyway, prior to the dentist coming out to talk to me, I asked the receptionist what the cost impact would be and if I was financially responsible for a new crown, since it fell out. She then explained to me that I could "recover" the crown I swallowed and bring it in and they would "clean" it for me and place it back in my mouth. Um, hello?! You want me to "extract" the tooth that I have now digested...which in itself is a disgusting thought...but then you want to put the poop tooth back in my mouth?? EW!! No way I would ever go for that. Luckily, as I was gagging at the thought of what she was describing and my face showed utter disgust, the dentist came out and was briefed on "the swallowing incident" and said they still had my temporary and would order a NEW crown. Thank goodness! He then confessed they only used temporary cement and it was their fault. Good grief!

So, here it is a week and a half later and my temporary is still holding strong, but no news on the permanent. I'm hoping this happened for a reason and the dentist has a chance to redeem himself and do this crown right! I'm just thankful I didn't have to "recover" the crown.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

No..you cannot have my shoes or my dinner!

I was walking home from my kettlebell workout last week and it was already dark when I left the studio in Hillcrest. I had about 3.5 miles to go to get home. Normally, when it is dark outside, I stick to more well lit areas. Balboa park along 6th is usually the safest bet. However, on this evening I was tired and just wanting to get home, so I just kept going down 5th avenue. It's not that 5th is unsafe, but there is a section of seedy bars and dark desolate areas scattered along the route.

I had stopped at Evolution to get dinner, since it was so late, and I wouldn't have time to fix anything when I got home. I was carrying it in a brown paper bag. As I was walking, I saw a couple blocks in front of me a man that was stumbling and shouting out at nothing. He was clearly homeless and clearly drunk. I would usually try to avoid these types of characters and change direction, but I was at a point where there was really no other direction to go. I moved forward and as we met along the sidewalk he moved in front of me, I moved to the side, and he moved to the side. Then he said "I want your shoes and what's in the bag!" I pushed past him to continue on my walk and he grabbed my arm and tried to take the bag out of my hand. I gave him the palm thrust to the nose and broke it! Then I said "you can't have my shoes or my dinner!" I'm pretty protective of my shape-ups and my sweet potato fries!!

I felt really good that I had protected myself, but then I felt pretty bad that I broke a homeless guys nose. I probably could have just pulled myself out of his grip, he was drunk after all. I guess I can just add beating up homeless people next to beating up and tasering children on my list of things that are sending me straight to hell :)

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

Brown Box Stalker

I arrived home one night and there was a package at my door. It was a plain brown box and it had my name written across the top "for Debbie". There was no sign the box had come through the mail, so my only assumption was that someone left this at my door in person. Of course, given my history with stalkers and just crazy people in general, my instant reaction was that this box was dangerous.

I cautiously took the box inside my house and I promptly placed it on the balcony. I figured if it was explosive, that was the safest bet! I contemplated opening it, but given the circumstances of how it just appeared at my door with no note or information, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The next day when I arrived home from work there was another brown box with no note or shipping labels. I brought it inside and sat it with the other box. I saw my neighbor (affectionately known as hot neighbor) in the hall and I asked him if he had seen anyone leaving those boxes at my door. He said no, but that he had seen a tall dark haired guy lingering around the hallway earlier in the day, but he wasn't familiar. This set my mind at ease a little that it wasn't my previous stalker - Daniel (also known as number one), because hot neighbor knew what Daniel looked like.

The curiosity was getting the best of me, I had to know what was in these boxes. Taking a risk (which is what we Aries do!) I opened the first box. I found it filled with fruit - apples, pears, and oranges. I scoured the box to find a note, card, anything. Nothing but fruit. Was the fruit poisoned? Maybe it would be arsenic poisoning again! I sat it aside. I opened the second box and found it contained a pink hoodie. Pink? Really? Who did I know that thought I liked pink? Although, I did kind of like it, and I love hoodies. I was left baffled...fruit and a hoodie. What could these two things possibly mean and why was there no note??

I put those presents aside, hesitant to eat the fruit or to wear the hoodie. The next day when I came home there was another brown box. I now affectionately referred to the person leaving this box as the brown box stalker. Given the fact the other two boxes didn't explode, I went ahead and opened this one right away. It was a scarf. Hmm. It had been unreasonably chilly in San Diego and I am always cold as it is, so it was thoughtful. However, I was still incredibly confused as to what these presents meant and who was giving them to me!

The next day, like clockwork, there was another box! This time it was vegan belgian chocolates. A clue! The person knew I was a vegan. That means it had to be someone that knew me or knew me through someone else. Then again, it could just be someone stalking me that noticed I eat at Evolution at lot! Given my luck, I figured it was the latter. I hesitated to eat a chocolate, but they did look incredibly delicious! I risked it and ate one. I didn't get ill or die, so I was beginning to think this was a friendly stalker.

Not to my surprise I found another brown box the next day. This one was large. When I opened it up I found the following:

Large blanket
Feather pillow
Bottle of wine
Scrabble Flash
Rock'em Sock'em Robots
Just Dance WII Game

Guitar Hero WII Game
Despicable Me DVD

Admittedly, most of these items were cool and I was excited, but this seemed to be strange (not to mention expensive!). I really had no clue who it was. I did get a little concerned it might be my ex from Michigan, because he used to own a Rock'em Sock'em Robot game and we played with it all the time. I thought it was an odd gift for anyone to give to a person unless they really knew you and knew you liked it. I was dreading that it could be him, because I really wanted nothing to do with him and thought I had successfully eliminated him from my life.

I engaged the help of hot neighbor, because he was home a lot during the day and I figured he could kind of play spy for me. He said he would keep an eye out and then he remembered he had this spy cam thing that was a white elephant gift he received. We rigged it up so that it was on his door and pointing to my door. I was working from home in the afternoon that Friday and was hoping I might catch the stalker in the act. With me at home and the spy cam on, we thought for sure we'd catch him!

Unfortunately, nothing occurred up to the point I had to leave for my trainer that evening and hot neighbor said he had to leave at 6. Darnit! I went off to my personal training session and contemplated the brown box stalker. I wondered if I would have a new box when I got home that evening.

When I got back that night I found a note on my door. It was from hot neighbor and it just said "I have your box at my place, come by and get it". He wasn't home that night, so I figured I would go by in the morning, which is what I did. He wasn't answering the door. A little later that day, I got a text message from hot neighbor that said "you can come by and get your box now". I went next door and knocked. He answered and he was wearing this sandwich board contraption that looked like a brown box. On the front it said "for Debbie". It didn't sink in right away, so I stood there kind of confused and he said "I'm your next brown box!" HOLY CRAP!! Hot neighbor was my brown box stalker!! What?!

He said he wanted to be creative in how he asked me out, because he knows that I'm adventurous and I like excitement. He told me the content of the last box was meant to be items to help us plan a date. Ha! Too funny! I was beyond shocked. I was always attracted to hot neighbor (obviously, since I call him hot neighbor!), but I didn't think he liked me like that at all! Although, I was a tiny bit hesitant because 1) he was a neighbor and we all know my background dating neighbors and 2) he was a bit mysterious and shady. However, that didn't stop me. I agreed to go on a date with him!

Our first date was planned for Friday, but prior to that on Thursday I came home early from work and ran into hot neighbor in the parking garage. He said he was about to take out his motorcycle for a ride in OB. He asked me if I wanted to go along and he offered to let me drive it if we found an obscure place. Yay! I should have known, though, that me getting on a motorcycle was probably a bad idea! I went anyway. We headed to OB and we were riding along and a cat jumped out into the street. Hot neighbor, being an animal lover, swerved to avoid the cat but he did it too quickly and too sharp and it caused me to fly off the back and roll across the street and slam into a parking meter...ouch! The bike fell over onto hot neighbor. We both had to go to urgent care. My wounds were minor and consisted of just some contusions and scrapes. Hot neighbor had 3 bruised ribs. Bruised ribs are no fun!

Despite our accident, we agreed to still go out for our Friday date! I was stiff and sore and he hurt when he took a breath, we were quite the pair! Before our accident he had planned a surprise date, but he said with our injuries (more his than mine), it would probably be a challenge (I'm curious what it was!). The date was still a surprise, I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. We drove to the marina and he led me to a boat. I love boats! Turns out he owns one...nice! He drove us out on the boat and then surprised me with an entire vegan meal that he had personally prepared just for me! It was pretty romantic and we had a really great time. He said next week we will go on the date he originally planned. I can't wait to see what that is!

I don't know how this will turn out, but if I'm anything, it's optimistic! I have to say it was the most creative way anyone has ever asked me out, so if nothing else it makes for a great story!

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!

Stop licking me!!

I was in San Francisco last week for a work meeting. I chose to use BART as my method of transportation, because let's face it, having a car in San Francisco can be a pain in the ass. I had client meetings all day and had ventured out in between to Berkeley to have lunch with Charlie. So, I had been on the BART a lot already. By the time I was wrapping up my day and getting back on the BART to head for the airport I was tuckered!

I got on the BART at Powell Street and settled in for my ride to the airport. I put my headphones on and entertained myself with a little Lady Gaga. Despite the fact that I ate a lot at lunch and had half a cinnamon roll, I was feeling a little hungry. So, I took out a clif bar from my backpack and started nibbling at it. I had my backpack next to me and it was looking rather comfortable for me to lean my head on, so I did. I hadn't finished eating my clif bar, I was still holding it in my hand.

I remember nothing after this until the event I'm about to describe, because I apparently went straight to sleep once my head hit that backpack. I told you I was tuckered!

I probably wouldn't have woken up for a quite a while and most likely would have missed my flight, had the disgusting and foul individual on the BART not done what happened next. What was that you ask? Well, let me paint you a picture of what had happened when I fell asleep. I leaned my head on the backpack and was still nibbling on the clif bar. Then I fell asleep and the clif bar ended up sticking to my cheek. A homeless individual (or I'm assuming homeless based on his look and smell) was sitting across from me and saw me fall asleep with the clif bar. He came over to where I was sitting and was licking my cheek where the clif bar was. I awoke instantly and was completely stunned and dazed by what was happening. I sat up quickly and was like "what are you doing?! Stop licking me!!" I had drool dripping down one side of my face and clif bar still stuck to the other side, now covered in homeless slobber. The homeless man just scoffed and said "I was hungry and you wasn't eatin' it!" Ew, ew, ew!! I was searching desperately at this point for anything to wipe my face...hand sanitizer, wet nap, anything! Why did he have to lick me, he couldn't just pull it off my cheek??

I flung the clif bar off my cheek and it hit the floor. The homeless man promptly picked it up and said "thanks, it's easier to eat this way." An older lady sitting two rows behind me and noticing my suffering quickly offered up a wet one antibacterial wipe and I frantically cleansed my face.

I do have to thank the homeless licker for waking me up in time to make my flight, but I am still disturbed by the event and may have trauma if I try to ride the BART again. Lesson to myself and to all...don't fall asleep on the BART, and if you do, make sure you don't have sticky food attached to your face.

Random Acts of Debbie asks that you take a moment and comment, good or bad, I welcome it all!