This blog is a follow up to "1, 2, 3...no, not Britney", specifically about number One (that later became my stalker). After his attack of me last year, he was arrested and was supposed to serve 6 months in jail. However, our judicial system decided that he met the criteria of a "reformed" individual and released him early in January. I had a temporary restraining order in place before he was arrested, so when he was released I completed the process to make the restraining order permanent.
They released him on probation until the end of April, which was the original end of his sentence. I figured if he was really reformed he would keep his distance, but I was doubtful to say the least. I didn't really have any encounters with him for a while. I did see him once or twice and he actually saw me, but would change his direction. I thought that was a good sign that he was actually respecting the restraining order.
Then in early April I woke up one morning and found a letter under my door that was from him. The letter asked for my forgiveness and expressed that he was reformed and realized that he had lost control and did some really bad things, but that he had worked through all those problems in jail and worked with a psychologist. It was all just words and nonsense to me. I immediately reported it to the police, following the instructions of the restraining order. It seems like a small thing and didn't cause me any harm, but I think that's the problem with people that have been a victim or are a victim of a stalker...they don't report it enough! I wasn't leaving any doors open for him to cause me any more drama!
I was informed that he received a warning in regards to the letter he left for me, but he wasn't fined and it wasn't considered a violation of his probation, because there was no evidence to suggest he was actually on the premises to leave the letter and while written communication is also part of the restraining order, it did not contain and threatening remarks. Again, the justice system shines again! I ignored his letter, which is what I learned to do in counseling.
I didn't hear from him after that and I thought he was backing off since he knew I reported it and I was serious. However, just a few days ago I had another encounter. I went down to the lobby in the evening to check my mail. My lobby has this sitting area and the mail room is just at the end of that. We don't have a permanent person in the lobby, but usually have security patrolling after 7pm. When I went down I saw a man sitting on one of the couches. When I took a second look I saw it was number one. He saw me and smiled. I asked him what he was doing there and he said "don't get all worked up, I'm here waiting for a friend, not to see you. Don't go reporting this like you did the last time." I told him it wasn't okay to be in my building regardless of the reason and the restraining order requires him to stay off the premises, including the surrounding area, and he needed to leave immediately. He told me that I needed to learn how to forgive people and stop being so judgmental and cold. Then he said "if it makes you feel better, I'll go outside and wait for him, but like I said don't go reporting this." He got up and walked towards me and tried to hug me. I pulled back and he just gave me this disgusting smile, which made my skin crawl a little. Then he went outside. I immediately called the police and reported the violation.
This time he was picked up and taken to the station for the offense. However, they just fined him $500 and still did not consider it a violation of his probation. So he didn't serve and time and was released after he paid his fine. Thanks again justice system!
On Tuesday I came home and I was baking a cake for a celebration at work the next day. As the cake was baking, I decided to go down and check my mail again. I realize I had a pretty consistent pattern in checking my mail in the evenings, which made it easy for him to figure out my routine (that's a lesson learned!). Anyway, as I went downstairs, I didn't see anything in the lobby, but honestly I wasn't really looking. I went into the mail room and retrieved my mail. As I exited back into the lobby, number one was right in front of the door and waiting for me. He was angry. He immediately yelled at me and called me a "bitch" and then told me I owed him $500 for my bullshit report of him violating the restraining order. He was walking towards me in a very threatening way and backing me towards the front door of my building. I remained confident and forceful with him and I told him he brought it on himself and it was his own actions that caused that fine. I told him he was only making things worse for himself and I was going to report this incident as well. He was getting really angry and told me that I drove him crazy and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. I told him to leave immediately or he was going to find himself right back in jail. I remained calm but forceful with him the whole time. I became assertive and walked in his direction to go past him and to the elevator to get back to my place. However, as soon as I took a step towards him he pulled up his shirt and revealed he had a gun.
I didn't show fear, although I was really scared, and I told him that he was making a big mistake and that he couldn't reverse what he was about to do and he would be throwing his life away for good. He lunged at me with his hand near his side by the gun. So, I quickly turned and bolted out the front door and ran towards the courtyard (which requires a FOB to enter). I ran into the courtyard and pulled the gate shut. He was right behind me and as I ran toward the other side I saw him enter (he must have still had his FOB). He ran towards me and then I ran back the other way, but I couldn't escape past him and he yanked my arm pulling it hard (it almost felt like it was dislocated) and then he punched me. It happened really fast. When he hit me it felt like my eye exploded. It was incredibly painful. I reacted by kicking him as hard as I could so he would let go of my arm and I could get away. I ran back out of the courtyard and to my building to get back to my condo.
I got off the elevator and ran to my door and pulled the door shut and locked it. I heard him right behind me. He fired his gun in the hallway and I realized he was really out of control and could really hurt me at that point. I ran out to the balcony and luckily there were a lot of cops down below because of the Padres game. I shouted out that there was a man with a gun on the 3rd floor and he was firing at my door. One cop reacted immediately. I saw him run towards my building and I heard number one fire a second shot, which put a hole in my door. My heart was pounding and for the first time I thought he was going to kill me.
Almost immediately after the second shot, the officers were already on my floor and screaming at him to drop the gun. He didn't resist, he dropped the gun, and he got on the floor and they handcuffed him.
He is back in jail, but sadly it seems he will only get 90 days. Apparently, discharging his weapon in public isn't assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, or any other serious charge. He was only charged with possession of a concealed weapon and public disturbance. He also was charged with battery for hitting me. The system is seriously flawed when a person can do all of that and only go to jail for 90 days.
I won't give up on getting justice though. As long as he continues to stalk me I will continue to report it and attempt to get justice. I have to believe justice will prevail eventually.
I refuse to let anyone make me live in fear or in confinement because they can't control their own actions. I'm stronger than that and I'm stronger than him.
2 comments:
Debbie,
I can understand risking your life if it is for a principle you truly believe in. Something that will have a profound impact on society or even one person. But you have to ask yourself whether what you're doing is worth it. This guy has proven that he's not sane. No matter what you, or anyone does, it may never change his behavior. And the justice system has proved a shocking failure. The ironic thing is that if he stole something, he'd probably be facing more jail time.
I can only speak for myself, but I try to make the most of the life that I've been given. Periodically I ask myself, "what if I died three years from now... a year from now... a month from now?" Would I be satisfied with my choices?
Debbie, I think you're playing a dangerous game. I think you need to stop for a minute and ask yourself if the risk you are taking is worth it and what you could be doing to lessen that risk.
-David
Hi David,
I can definitely understand your perspective. I have the same philosophy you do, which is to make the most of this life. If you peruse some of the rest of my blog, you'll see I've faced quite a few challenges in my life. All of which, have made me appreciate it even more and realize that there are no guarantees on how long anyone will be around. So, I try to live life to the fullest, so I don't have any regrets or unfulfilled desires if today was the day I died or 60 years from now was the day.
I can see how you would view what I'm doing as risky, but I look at the alternative as being worse. If I pick up and run away or hide from this in an effort to make it go away, he takes away more from me than my feeling of safety, he takes away my ability to live. He gains control over my life.
While I do take a lot of risks in my life, primarily for the reason I stated above (not knowing when your number is up), I also take a lot of precautions. I'm human, I've made some mistakes, and certainly getting involved in the situation I did with this guy was one of them. However, the majority of the time I exhibit a great deal of common sense and ensure I'm making choices in my life that are safe and sound and benefit, not only myself, but those around me.
I hope maybe you can look at the situation from a slightly different perspective and see that my actions are taking into account the value of my life, or rather the value of living my life.
Can I ask, what would you do in this case? I'm always open to the suggestions and advice of reasonable minded people.
-Debbie
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