If you've been following my life at all for the last few months, you all know about STFB - Shady Trust Fund Baby. He was originally known under the affectionate nicknames of Hot Neighbor, Brown Box Stalker, and Hot Trust Fund Baby. However, he has earned the Shady in his name and this is the untold story!
When I first met STFB, he was just my neighbor and to be honest a little bit of eye candy. I looked forward to the times we would pull in to the garage together (his spot was right next to mine), but our interactions were limited and even as I did talk to him more and more, I just assumed he was way out of my league. I never anticipated ending up where we did. If you've been following my blog, you already know the story of the Brown Box Stalker. It was the most unusual and kind of disturbing way a guy has ever asked me out. Yet, it also intrigued me. This guy was a little different and was definitely a thrill seeker like me. I had my reservations about him because of the "strange" occurrences that had taken place during the time we were neighbors...but, hey, don't they say a little mystery is good??
Our initial dates were adventuresome and definitely dangerous for an accident prone victim like myself. Before we even had our first date we got into a motorcycle accident together and I ended up skidding across the street and slamming my head (in helmet luckily!) into a parking meter. Although, his injury did surpass mine, which is rarely the case! After that incident we still risked it and went out on our first date. Due to the sustained injuries from our pre-date, the plans were changed, and he took me out on his yacht instead of the "adventure" date he had planned (but didn't share with me). My first impression was that this guy was fun, exciting and muy caliente!
As we continued on our dates, I noticed a theme, which seemed to indicate he was trying to kill me. Each and every date was like amazing race or something! We climbed cliffs and burrowed through caves, we went rock climbing (or for me...rock slamming), we road and raced quads, roller bladed, and numerous other death defying activities. It seemed to me he was trying each time to come up with something more dangerous in the hopes it would finally do me in. Either that or he really did just love my enthusiastic nature and adventurist spirit! I warned my friends that if I ended up dead, that he should be the prime suspect.
As much as the thought weighed on my mind that he was trying to kill me, I kind of liked it. We had fun and he made me laugh all the time! I liked that he was a little aloof and a hard nut to crack. Although, the mystery of it all was starting to frustrate me, and it was killing me to find out what it was that he wasn't telling me!
It started to get weirder and weirder and more and more questions arose with no answers. This is when he earned the name Shady instead of Hot.
There were numerous incidents where we would be out to eat or at an event and he would get a phone call and just disappear and leave for hours, days and sometimes weeks. I would never get an explanation and it was always sudden and ominous. Once we went together to the Guacamole Bowl and 30 minutes into the event he gets a phone call, says he'll be right back, and then disappears just leaving me there all by myself. He called 8 hours later and said he had to leave town unexpectedly. Who does that?! When questioned why he had to leave town, he just gave vague answers like "something came up" or "just business". These phone calls happened often and he would always disappear to take the call and each time led to him leaving town. I theorized he was either a drug dealer, C.I.A., in the Witness Protection Program, or most likely had a secret family complete with a wife and kids in another town. I was almost positive it was the latter. I would joke about it with him all the time, and thinking back, he never really did deny it. He just played along with the joke.
He wouldn't let anyone take his picture and would get aggressive and angry when someone would try after he said no. When asked why, he just said "why does anyone need my picture, you've seen me, isn't that enough?" He claimed that having your picture taken was vain and he didn't understand the purpose. Yet, he owned a really nice and professional camera. What's the point if you find pictures to be vain?? Plus, he had absolutely nothing personal in his home. No photos, no albums, nothing but sterile furniture and a few dishes. It seemed to be just a place you would go when you are passing through town, which only furthered my suspicion about the secret family!
I never met any of his friends and the only people that ever seemed to come around always showed up at like 3am and were extremely shady characters themselves. When we were just neighbors, they would accidentally knock on my door all the time. I have to tell you, I was scared a few times! He could never explain it though. Just said he had "eccentric" friends. Although, once I saw what seemed to be a normal looking gentleman that was presumably a "friend". We were walking down the street and from across the street a guy yelled "Sean! Hey, Sean! Dude!" (yes, now you know his real name). STFB just smiled and waved, but kept on walking. I was like "do you know him?" and his response was "I waved, we're good." WTH?? I waved, we're good?! What was he avoiding? Clearly the guy wanted to say "hi" and was trying very hard to get his attention. So weird.
When it came time for my birthday we had made big plans to celebrate together and I was really looking forward to it. Then he just calls me out of the blue right before my birthday and says "I have to go out of town for a few weeks"...no apologies about my birthday, no reason, no nothing. That was becoming the common theme. Just disappear and never offer an explanation, and it was becoming frequent. Yet, when I planned a road trip without him and withheld the details of my trip, he got all bent out of shape and childish. He said if I was going on some secret getaway he was going to leave town too. I said "shocking, what else is new??"
He also had a crazy killer instinct! We went hiking one day and he diverted off the trail into an area we shouldn't have been (the signs said so!) and a snake bit me...of course! He grabbed the snake and crushed it's head and flung it away like crocodile dundee or some crap. I was not happy about his murdering instinct. After all we were intruding on the snakes territory. He was starting to scare me a bit.
Despite all these things, he still made me laugh all the time, and his mystery provided me with a source of entertainment. Then things started to shift and his shadiness turned to asshole real quick! He had once been supportive of my vegan lifestyle and for the first couple of months we dated he went out to vegan restaurants with me and enjoyed eating some of the same food. However, once I started eating out less and cooking more at home, he began to throw fits about eating "the green tofu shit". Most of the time, he showed up at my house uninvited, and then had the nerve to complain about the food I had cooked, even though I generously offered to share it with him. He would leave and go across the street to McDonald's or Porkyland and bring back pulled pork sandwiches, Big Macs, fake molded "chicken" nuggets. I told him repeatedly I didn't appreciate him bringing meat into my house and that if that's what he wanted to eat he should do it on his own time. He never listened, never showed any respect for my values. He continually would call me or text me that he was coming over and when I replied "no" the doorbell would ring 2 seconds later. It was so annoying!
On Easter he showed up at my place and brought a giant ham and asked me to cook it up. When I told him that he wasn't bringing that thing into my house, he accused me of "ruining his Easter". I don't know if he honestly thought I would just stop being vegan because he wanted to eat meat or if he was just an incredible asshole (I now know the answer!).
Beyond his shadiness, he started to show signs of stalker behavior as well. Obviously, given my past, I now look for these signs and I'm wary to say the least. He had come over one night (uninvited of course) and I had dinner plans. I told him this and forced him to leave. When I got home that evening (after 11pm) I came into my house and switched on the light and was startled and scared out of my mind when I saw someone sitting on my couch. It was STFB! I had never given him my key and he was out of my house when I left. He knew my stalker history, yet he saw nothing wrong with his actions and refused to tell me how he got in. I can only assume at some point he took my spare keys and had a copy made. That's just creepy!
The last straw came when I invited him hiking with me. Hiking is my release, I usually go alone and clear my head and really enjoy the time on the mountain. I wanted to invite him so he could share in something I really enjoyed. I was actually really happy when he accepted. When we got to the summit, I engaged in conversation with some fellow hikers. One of them was a guy that said "you look really fit, what else do you do besides hiking?"...to which I was excitedly prepared to answer and tell him all about kettlebells when STFB pipes in and says "don't be fooled bro, she carries it well, but she's storing a little something extra for winter." Could he be any more insulting? He knew how far I've come in my weight loss journey and that I still harbor some sensitivity around that area. The guy was awesome though and retorted that STFB was a dick, which I appreciated. Oh and prior to that gem he had once said to me "you are the most interesting, intelligent and exciting person I know. I could have easily chosen to date a super model type, but I chose you instead." I feel so special.
Sadly, I still gave him another opportunity to make it up to me...and what did that get me?? A bigger asshole! I got sick and my stomach was really upset. STFB called and asked if he could come over and I told him I really didn't feel up to it. Of course, two seconds later 'ding dong'. He comes in carrying a bowl of chicken soup and says "your lifestyle is what's making you sick, you need to just eat this soup, and go back to being normal." Really, go back to being normal? What's normal about slaughtering animals for your own consumption and inhumane treatment of defenseless creatures? That was the last straw. It was evident to me that he had zero respect for my beliefs and the things that were important to me.
I did get a little revenge when he showed up uninvited yet again, even though I had already broken things off, and I vomited all over him (projectile baby!). I thought it was well deserved. My body couldn't have planned it any better.
I thought the saga was over and the story ended there, but it doesn't. I guess with a character like STFB that would be too simple. After the deed was done and I said "no more!" he kind of unraveled a little and peeled back the layers. It wasn't pretty what was underneath.
First he admitted to me that he did have a kid! He has a son that is 2 years old and a baby mama that live in Northern California. Then he dropped the bomb on me that he had a drug addiction and has been in and out of rehab! So two of my theories were true! Only he wasn't the dealer, he was the user! He was going out of town all the time, because his parents (who control how much money he gets from his trust) required him to have a drug test almost on a weekly basis. When he failed (which was apparently almost all the time) they forced him to check himself into rehab again. Sometimes he would stay only a few days and sometimes weeks. The calls he would get were his parents threatening to cut him off. The guy he saw on the street and only "waved" at was in narcotics anonymous with him! Part of his agreement with his parents was to go to NA meetings. Good grief! Why do I always gravitate to the real winners?
It gets better though, when he told me this about himself, this is what he had to say "You weren't entirely wrong, I do have a secret. I have a 2 year old and a drug addiction. Those things don't define me though! Why does it matter? You're a vegan and that's baggage to me, but I'm willing to get past it, shouldn't you?" He is comparing hiding a child, a baby mama, and a drug addiction to me being a vegan?! Um, that boy is one fry short of a happy meal!
He then asked me if I would stand by him as he tried to kick his addiction and rebuild his life. I asked him how long he has had this addiction and how long he has been clean. He said he's been addicted for the last 10 years and he's been clean for about 6 hours. This guy gets a Darwin award. In 10 years of rehab, NA, and the support of his parents he has only managed to stay clean a record 6 hours?? Yes, I missed that part. He said that's the longest he's been able to stay clean. Even when he was in rehab he said he was sneaking drugs in all the time and he would get kicked out. He said his parents are about to cutoff the trust and he's going to have nothing unless he changes. I asked him if he wanted to change and he said "my life is good and you don't fix what ain't broken, now do you?" Wow, just wow.
Thus ends another chapter in the dating life of Debbie. Can't wait to see what the next guy has to offer.
Dear STFB - here's hoping you make it to 7 hours!
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